Saturday, August 30, 2008

Exhausted and needing to be cleansed

I am working this weekend, as the other employees enjoy their weekend off. However, I have Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off which I need desperately.

It was offical to me today that I am worn out. I am irritable (highly abnormal for me.) I have been eating poorly, entertaining guests for a month now, and staying up all hours of the night. Even if I am at my apartment, the point is that I'm not resting. I have just felt dizzy, headachey, low-energy and overal not well. I know it's a mixture of 'life just happening' as well as my own doing. . .

Aside from physical exhaustion, it occured to me today that I have been disconnected from the center of myself, and from the source. Almost as if I've been doing and going and running to the point that I don't know where I am. Does that even make sense? I think they call it being emotionally/spirituall drained.
Geez, I hope I don't have a Mariah Carey episode. (You know a few years back when she had her "Breakdown" after that horrible movie 'Glitter'. . .)

I am no superstar diva who shatters glass and makes bad movies, but
I am just saying.

So, here are a few things I am going to do/not do these next 3-4 days.

-I won't be using my phone unless it is an emergency. (Do not suppose that you needing me to pick out a dress for you at the mall is such an emergency.)

-I will not be online. (This includes Facebook, Myspace and G-mail.) This will be difficult, since it has almost become as routine as brushing my teeth. A lot more fun too.

-I will detox my body. . . should be interesting. Therefore my diet will consist of very simple/ no junky foods and lots of water.

-I will be outside. A lot. I need the sun.

-I will be reading and writing and falling into those beauties, unaware that there is a world outside of literature and poetry.

-I will listen to new music on my ipod and drift away.

-When I'm not melodic, I'll be finding the quiet inside my mind. (Quiet, where are you?)
Other random things may include donating some clothes to goodwill and planning for my New York trip. Other than that. . .

-I love you all, but I will do my best not to be thinking of you.
(Don't take it personal.)

I need to focus on God and in Him, I will inevidably find the center of me.

See everyone on the flip. . .

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Pointless banter and Infinity

So, I am listening to Prince. . .
Need I say more?

End of blog.

:). . .It's that song "Nothing Compares to you" with some soulful female vocals helping the man (symbol/formerly the symbol-or whatever he is now.) . . .
It's a little bit of wonderful, in a very cheesy-awful way.

So, it is official. I like buying flowers and plants. And one may find me running around giving them to people. I do like this act.
People are like, "Is it their birthday?" and I will respond, "No. I just love them."

I even buy them for myself since I am currently dating my being. "My being" always sounds irreverently existential to me. I'm ok with that.

So, I have been without a debit card for about a week and a half. (Such a travesty, I know considering those who are way more without. I realize this. That is why I pouted for about two seconds (as well as complained to several people about it. It's the nature of MY beast, what can I say?) But then I got over it. And I became very comfortable with check writing, mainly because I was too lazy to drive over to the bank.
But
Today I received my re-issued debit card and all was right in the world again.
So, that's that.

I also recently acquired an ipod nano. However, my desktop mac's programs are so old that they are incompatible with it. Long story short, my friend who hooked me up with the tiny melodic wonder, has to download a newer program for me and that may take longer than desired.
Little things like this teach us patience. . .
So I will happily endure the waiting time for my tunes to come.

Sometimes I wonder what the hell the point of these blogs are.

Just in case you are wondering as well, I will try to leave you with something meaningful:

I have been thinking about prayer for days now.
Praying about prayer too. (ha.)
The onset of these thoughts spawned from the realization that I have this subconscious issue with the idea that if God has known for millions of years exactly what I am about to pray (since he is supposedly omniscient and all), why pray at all?

I mean I know that the action of doing something even despite the doubts of its reality is still important. (In other words, I'm not saying to do something anyways if you don't believe in it, but I am saying that if God is concerned with a relationship with us, then he wants to talk with us and he wants us to talk with him, so that is what prayer chiefly is: A conversation with Him.
That is not my problem.

My issue is with the reality of time and how it is propagated between an eternal God and a limited creation, and how awkward it can be to come before such a God in our lesser dimensional state of mind wanting to successfully create a true relationship with a Deity so unlike ourselves, and yet so a part of us. . .

I study Quantum Physics, so this type of stuff bugs me if it goes without at least some resolution in my head.
So, the partial resolution is this. God is hearing us NOW, as we pray on our living room floor, in the car or any other of our mundane place. He hears us as a mother hears her child call her name. The difference God's timelessness makes, though is that this NOW (which slips away from you even as you say the word NOW) is for Him. .

always infinite. (It doesn't seem that way to us, because we only see and know in part, but His scope is full and whole, seeing everything.)

It's hard to wrap your head around, but it assuaged my questions--
for now at least.

Which is apparently. . . always infinite.

:)

So, it's a matter of perspective.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Body Slamming and good friends. . .

Tonight I was supposed to hang out with my friend, Chris who is visiting Tallahassee.. We did not hang out because I am basically crazy and had to re-schedule out of desperate need to do my lonesome vibe. So, I am here, sipping my wine and listening to bluesy guitar music on low, pondering the goodness of life. . .

Yet I cannot seem to get relaxed. (Due to other unwanted noises. i.e. my 90 lbs Korean upstairs neighbor who somehow sounds like T Rex when he walks as well as my wall neighbor who should be saved for another blog altogether . . . he is listening to Jimmy Hendrix on volume number 1200 and seemingly body slamming himself upon the wall repeatedly. . .)

This is my daily woe.

But I get through and smile because I am their trusty, smiling leasing agent. :)

So, anyways, back to my bluesy music and good thoughts. I think of some of the wonderful people who cultivate my life. . .
In no particular order: (except numerical favorites of course.)

Just kidding.

1) Robert. I am thankful for the laughter we share. I like how he knows how totally nuts I am and loves me even more for it. (Maybe it is because he is also nuts.) We are such a comedic team. I can vent to him about anything. He is a soundboard for my thoughts. I completely trust him with my secrets. His presence just makes me smile. We roll down hills together randomly. We contemplate Marxism and break down the specifics of being functionally retarded. We make absurd noises and unnecessary facial expressions to the dismay of others, but we don't care. Rob is a synergistic montage of spastic, animated wonderfulness.


2) Nicole. I am thankful for how she accepts both parts of me. . . my spiritual/intellectual side and my silly/ridiculous banter as well. We read each other's minds. We have the best conversations ever. She is one of the most amazing, if not the most amazing girls I have ever met. We can get lost just talking. We may find ourselves driving down the wrong road or talking for 4 hours at an airport, not realizing we are lost at all or that we have been there that long. I can call her crying or laughing or with some deep notion and her whole heart is there for me, as well as sincere wisdom upon which I will undoubtedly ponder days and days afterwards. Her mind is exquisite, it has that affect on people. :)


3) Irby. I have only known Irby for a few months now, but he is one of the neatest people I've ever met. We have the most random talks and the conversations can expand at any moment to a new universe of thought. We are both given to humor and crass joking, so our interactions are always interesting. He is one of the most imaginative, artistic, talented people I've met in a very long time. I really respect his mind. I call him disgustingly beautiful because that is what it is. He says and displays the things that people are too afraid to do and be. He is raw and creative and a breath of fresh air in a world where everyone wants to be the same as everyone else. I don't think he can help but be different. And he shouldn't help that. He's great.

Ok so I only have mind enough tonight for 3 of my favorite people.

(I'm drinking wine and it's late. . .what?)

:)

I think the body-wall throwing has ceased now, as well as the upstairs dinosaur rampage. . .
thank God.

and thank God for great people in my life, by whatever venue they may find themselves in my atmosphere-- near or far.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

FYI: A lesson in Shanglish

. . .or shanguage. Whichever one you like. . . :)

ha, anyways:

1) Shandom: Anything random that I do.

2) Bubs: anything cute. "Oh what a bubs!"

3) booish: Anything really bad, or not cool.

4) chuma-chuma: Anytime when I don't feel like explaining every detail, I might fill in the silence with this.

5) Esque/ish/ed/ness: At some point I may use any or all of these suffixes. When I do, it usually means that you may be dealing in 'Shan time'. . .basically if I say I will meet you at 6isheque. . .that means maybe 8. (haha. . .)

6) Oh Hiiyee: (sad in a 6 year old theatrical voice.) Means that I am really excited to see something or someone.

7) Heybabah: I will say this when differentiating a guy/girl friendship from a romantic relationship. "Heybabah" means something romantic is or may be going on.

8) Huuuuggghh: My friend Rob calls me Baby Goat and this is my baby goat sound. It happens at random moments.

I will add more as I remember them.

:)

A Treemendous Day

So, on this particular Saturday (or as my friend Robert and I so affectionately call it for no other reason than the fact that we are ridiculous:

. . .
Splatterday.

ah yes. So, on this particular one, I am told I will be working at the leasing office, even though there is sideways rain with pellets the size of rhinos, 60 mph winds tumbling things everywhere and thunderous notions coming from the heavens. . .
Not to mention a flood warning and a tornado watch.

Fun.

On this day, I also have a visitor in town. . .my friend Mike. So, he is visiting Florida during this time of tumultuous weather. . . and I was hoping that I wouldn't have to work today so that we could stay home and watch movies, giggle at some of our witty word games and things of such nature. . .

Not the case.

So, here we are. Natalia, my co-worker and I sitting staring at each other bored to death with nothing to do in the office, when all of sudden residents come storming in (ha, no pun intended) complaining that a large, tall tree has fallen at the opening of the complex disabling anyone from coming in and out of the community. . .

tis true, this lovely majestic brown and green wonder had tumbled over from the wind and now we had hundreds of frustrated residents.

As fate would have it, the maintenance were unable to be reached at this time and the other venues were putting us on hold. . .so, at this point, it looked like there was no hope to try and fix the issue. Basically we needed someone with a chainsaw to cut it in several pieces and then have a couple guys move it to clear the road. Unfortunately with our difficulties in finding help, this process took about an hour. . .in the meantime, Natalia and I wanted to kill people. (haha. I kid. . .or do I?)
I swear we must have gotten about 60 calls like, "Do you know there is a tree down????"

And of course we would reply, "No. We don't." or sometimes "Oh yeah, we know. We put it there. . .ON PURPOSE so that all you crazy people would call and effing yell at us."

Also during this time, there would be only 15 service calls about leaks from the storm.

Finally our guys got her majesty cut down and they moved her ass aside so that people could enter and exit.

Victory.

Once hearing this, my manager instructed us to leave early at 3pm. (Halleluja) . . . and being the absurdity that I am, I called Mike and asked him if he felt like jumping into the pool which was overflowing at this time.
(What? It just looked fun.)
When Mike approached the pool, he noticed that there were black spots in it. And being the goof that he is, he said, "Shan, what the hell is that in the pool? I'm not going to swim with some alligators."
. . .right. . .So, as it turns out, they were lawn chairs. We dove in and dove right back out.

It was worth it.

Then, we ended this lovely day with homemade Pina Coladas. . .which I gave Mike complete control of.

Bad idea.
I love the boy, but he doesn't know a darn thing about making a drink. He poured the entire contents of the pina colada mix in the blender with no ice and 3 teaspoons of rum. I mean, I'm not trying to get us hammered or anything, but I would have balanced it a little better than that. haha.
We drank some of it, made contorted expressions which said "um no." and then drank some juice instead.

Basically, it was a treemendous day.

:)